I have fibromyalgia. This gives me pain within the muscles, as well as fatigue, with varying degrees of severity. I was working as a caseworker on contract with the government, which I had done for 10 years. I would often work at night from home on my computer. While I would type, however, I would need to put ice packs on my arms because they felt like they were on fire. Eventually, I couldn’t take the pain and had to stop. I went to many doctors, but none could give me any answers. All they could offer was short term pain relief, and pain killers. I had hit a wall, and became depressed. I found some things that would help – including an amino acid called altryptophan. But when they suddenly became prescription drugs, I could no longer afford them. I have no income supports, just a rental property my mother left me. However, after you pay land taxes, insurance and utilities, there is not much left. I’m not on ODSP, so all my prescriptions are out of pocket. So my choice is “do I pay for prescriptions, or do I pay for food?” When I first ran out of money for food, I didn’t know where to turn. Food banks aren’t advertised – word of mouth is how I found out – I don’t know how others do. Doctors couldn’t tell me where to go. It seems that if you’re not part of an underground, you don’t know where the services are. Here I am, a former caseworker, working with people on ODSP and OW, and they knew a lot more than I did on how to access resources. When I first decided to go to a food bank, I had no expectations about what the experience would be like. So I figured, now’s the time to go if I’m going to go at all. When I first went, I actually recognized someone from my building. This made it easier. Most people who use food banks are in a similar situation but don’t want to be there. Once, I saw a neighbour there. I made eye contact with her, but she made it obvious she didn’t want to be there or be seen. Previously, this woman would often disclose other very personal things to me, but not that she was a food bank client. It shows how deep the shame can be. I never thought I would become disabled. I still don’t think of myself that way – that would be giving up. I still intend on going back to work, but it’s hard to say as I can’t predict or plan anything due to this illness.